Tuesday, May 1, 2012

A Healthier Banana Bread + Something Ridiculous

I am moving 225 miles away in 2 weeks and I am stressed.
I am stressed and I am moving 225 miles away in 2 weeks.
I have a hard time turning off my brain when I am stressed and when I am moving 225 miles away in 2 weeks.
Sometimes I sit up in bed and make little notes on my phone when I should be doing anything else.
Thankfully, this is the sort of shit that just won't quit...

And so it was determined that I was going to revamp my mother's banana nut bread recipe to make it...

  • healthier
  • chock full of other things
  • in a motherfucking apple
I think this was the best idea I've ever had in my ever. 
But before we get to that, let's examine how to make a very moist banana nut bread into a very moist and healthy banana nut bread using the stuff I have in my fridge. 

8 tbls tahini
24 packets Truvia
2/3 cups unsweetened applesauce
4 super ripe mashed bananas
3 tbls reduced fat sour cream
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup oat flour
1 cup vanilla protein powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Quick! Make me 18 or so regular sized Banana Nut Muffins!
Preheat oven to 375. Line your muffin sheet with some muffin papers.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, protein powder, baking soda, and salt to combine. Set aside.

Beat the tahini and truvia in an electric mixer until completely combined. Beat in the applesauce. Beat in the bananas and the sour cream. Add the vanilla. Slowly add the dry ingredients and mix until well combined. Add the chopped walnuts and mix by hand with a spoon of your liking. Or a fork. Or a hand. Go nuts. (Get it? GET IT?!?!?)

Fill the muffin papers 1/2 - 2/3 full of batter. Bake for 18 minutes. Eat! EEEEEAT!

Nutritional Information Per Muffin: 130 calories / 18g carbs / 7g fat / 6g protein / 3g fiber / 5g sugar

So that's cool and all. Healthy banana nut bread. Rad, guys, real rad. But I'm bored? And I still have other shit in my fridge? And it was entirely too easy to make a healthier banana nut bread that tastes exactly the same as regular old fatty-4-life banana nut bread. So let's do some add-ons, k? Plus we still have the iphone note to deal with...

If You Want Some Add-Ons, You've Come to the Right Place

Take 1 tsp of peanut butter and plop that sucker 
in the middle of your please-bake-me-soon muffins
Add 30 calories / 1g carb / 3g fat / 1g protein to your serving.

Use 1/2 tsp of peanut butter, 1/2 tsp of mini chocolate chips, and 1/2 a tsp of banana to form a 
little ball of gooey goodness. Drop that little marble from heaven into your unbaked muffin. 
Add 30 calories / 2g carbs / 2g fat / 1g protein / 1g sugar to your serving.  

Slice a few insanely thin slices of banana. Stick them in your 
why-haven’t-you-baked-me-yet muffins. Be artful. I dare you. 
The nutrition facts won’t really change if you’re like me and your slices are crazy thin/borderline meaningless. 

Just throw 1/2 tsp mini dark chocolate chips in (not on, like I did...I’m so ashamed)
your muffin already. You wanted to from the beginning. 
Add 11 calories / 1g carb / 1g fat / 1g sugar to your serving.

now onto why we were all put on this earth by a higher baking-soda-not-yeast-based bread...

I highly suggest baking some banana nut bread in a motherfucking apple. I used a fiji apple, cored it down to like half an inch from the bottom, and carefully scooped out a substantial part of the inside flesh of the apple. I left probably a half an inch wall at most. I'd say half the apple was removed. Fill your apple 2/3 full - mine fit about 2 muffins-worth. Place in a baking dish with a half inch or so of water in it. Bake for 35 minutes, or until the top of the banana bread seems set and a toothpick comes out clean.

Estimated Nutrition Facts Per Baked Apple Banana Nut Bread Amazing Thing: 310 calories / 46g carbs / 14g fat / 12g protein / 8g fat / 18g sugar


TASTE: 7/5 Yeah. I went there. I don't even need to explain it but I have never, ever, ever in my life minced words. I have minced everything (EVERYTHING!) else. The regular banana nut muffins are really yummy and taste exactly like the fatty version. So, you know, go team. But I ate half of the baked apple banana nut bread and, um, I don't want to ever go back to the person I was before eating that half of a banana nut bread baked in an apple.

EASE: 4/5 The hardest part is coring the apple. And saying "goodbye."

FILTH OF THE KITCHEN: 4/5 So when I opened the jar of tahini I didn't realize it was the kind with the oil on the top that needed to be stirred and so, blah blah blah, I have a really shiny complexion. As does my floor. And my oven. And my stroke-y dog.

DID THE DOG EAT THE DOUGH? At one point, the dog emerged from the closet his office to stare me down and make weird noises. I'm pretty sure he knew something special was going on. Or he was having a stroke. Dunno.

IMPRESS-O-METER: I explained the dessert to the Impress-O-Meter who told me "HOLD THE PHONE." And then it looked sternly at me through the googly eyes I hot glued to its impress-o-face and said "forever."


  1. You had me at "bake one in a motherfucking apple." Poetry.

  2. These look great-but I don't have any tahini-is there anything I can substitute?

  3. Any nut butter will do! I'd probably try almond butter before peanut butter as it has less of a distinct taste and won't take anything away from the banana bread flavors.

  4. What kind of protein powder do you use?

  5. FYI: Actually, you lost me at the profanity. I wonder how many others also?

  6. lol i agree with bob! fantastic! and who came up with this? someone with an apple farm no doubt

    november 13Tth anonymous....get the stick out of your ass